Spaces, 2022

Oct 30

“Spaces” explores the interface between external and internal experience, specifically how we hold the spaces and relationships we inhabit in our minds as memory and, in turn, how these memories inform our sense of belonging. The mental landscapes we foster and the narratives we tell ourselves about those landscapes create the world we inhabit.

I made this series during a particularly dark period in my life; coping with the aftermath of a rapid decline in my physical health and the destabilization of my family of origin, I was suddenly thrust into a familiar and intense state of existential anguish and profound disconnectedness that I’ve historically frequented in relation to complex developmental trauma and its effects into adulthood. Amidst these moments of significant fragmentation and psychic unraveling, I remember thinking, everything is so rotten; I wish to make something beautiful. I interrupted this spiral of fragmentation by intentionally painting spaces antithetic to my current emotional experience that could, in turn, impress upon me the brightness and possibility I had lost sight of.

This series also explores the concept of home and the different interpersonal and physical iterations of home we search for in an effort to bear the human condition. Each painting is something between imagination and memory and documents my attempts to find my way home and back to the curious and creative version of myself that I am sometimes severed from.

When we strip back the cognitive clutter, a more honest rendering of our experiences and desires can be exposed, and one that is often more sincere and playful. This way of working can decongest complicated and backlogged feelings so they can be integrated into our present experience. Making this series was a practice in clearing spaces and forging passages to navigate memories, circumstance, and dreams in order to repaint my psychic wallpaper.